NOTE: This is an update and devotional from my wife, Sherri, which she sent to our prayer partners. She is a great devotional writer!

Friends,

I have always known your prayers have been a major, major part in my story of cancer.  I am blessed beyond words!!

I found a wonderful quote from a book I am currently reading entitled Finding Faith in the Dark:

“I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year,

‘Give me a light so that I may tread safely into the unknown.’

And he replied, ‘Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God.

That shall be to you, better than a known light and safer than a known way.’”[1]

I am about to enter into yet another “unknown.” The next several weeks may bring changes, or maybe continue in the path I am walking at the moment. But, I tread safely, with God’s hand in mine.

Next Wednesday (Feb. 25) I have two major CT scans. The following Wed., I have an appointment with Dr. Verma, and a few days after that, an appointment with my gynecological oncologist. Both will discuss my scans from their area of expertise, and what they feel the next step should be. If the scans look good, I will most likely continue with the same chemo. If not, I may have a different “chemo cocktail” prescribed, or possibly a surgery in the future.

So, …the “unknown”! We all deal with it every day in our lives. We often have very routine and “known” days, but just as quickly, those days can turn into unknown territory. I’m learning to live in the unknown. I realize more than ever not to take any day, any circumstance, any person, for granted. And, even more than that, I’m learning that life may not be turning out the way I thought, or planned, or hoped.

Yet, my prayer for myself is being answered, slowly, but surely, and it’s one I have for you. I am learning that instead of asking God to take me out of the “unknown place” that I don’t want to be, instead, asking Him to help me find the way into the place, (because I believe in that place), that God has something amazing for me.

Hope really does come from the fact that our story is never finished until we leave earth for a new story in eternity. Something can always happen!! That’s why we have to hold on. God can show up where we least expect it. Boy, have I discovered that…over and over and over!!

Do I wish I hadn’t needed to share with you the details of my next few weeks? Of course I wish I could write “I am cancer free…Yay, Yay, Yay!!!” Do I wish that I hadn’t shared the next paragraph after that of leaning solely on the Lord to take me into the “dark place”…absolutely not! I believe what I wrote, very strongly…and I believe it for you!!

Everyone in my family can tell you their experiences with “our” cancer story. Each of them can tell you how they have discovered new love for family, and their own walk with the Lord, that may never have been brought out had it not been for this cancer. And for that…I am grateful that God chose me to suffer…. We’ve gone where we didn’t want to go, but it is evident, God is with us!

I can’t express how deeply my husband and children and grandchildren have been there for me — in amazing ways. I could share individual stories about each of them… but I probably need to get their permission first!!!!

However, I can share one story.

Last Friday our grandkids spent the night with us…and of course, the fun thing is to sleep with “Amma”!  David generously gives up his side of the bed to sleep in the guest bedroom! I woke up during the night, and looked at the precious sleeping faces with tears in my eyes. In the darkness, I leaned over to Lydia; she was sound asleep, and whispered: “I love you Lydia.” She never opened her eyes, but she reached up and hugged me tightly and said “I love you to Amma”…and promptly laid back down and was asleep!! I literally had tears in my eyes; the joy swelled so deeply. Wow! …and then I thought, “that’s the way God loves me, and wants me to be…just to trust him with “my eyes closed” …meaning I can’t see the future, but I hear Him, hug Him, and know He is there, watching over me…even in the dark….

Finding Faith in the Dark!!

All my love,

Sherri

[1] Minnie Louise Haskins, “The Gate of the Year,” cited in Finding Faith in the Dark: When the Story of Your Life Takes a Turn you Didn’t Plan, 9.